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Dear Aunt Annie - she tried so hard to make things better. When Daddy didn't come home from the war, she'd taken us in. We'd moved from London to her big rambling house in the country, with a huge garden, an orchard and a boating lake. She'd been like a second mother to me when I was ill. She'd brought a bunch of the first Spring daffodils to my bedroom and later on had carried me out into the apple orchard to see the petals falling like snow. She had read to me when my mother, still weak herself from the influenza, had been unable to hold a heavy book for long. She had been everything that she could be but there was one thing she could never be, one person she could never replace. I saw her looking at me sometimes, when she thought I didn't know. She looked sad and worried. I saw that look again today when she plaited my hair, tying the pink ribbons carefully before she let me out into the late afternoon sunshine. I'm wandering aimlessly now, kicking at stones on the path.
Aunt Annie's worried about me and I know why. It's because of Ella - because I've seen her and Aunt Annie says that can't happen. Mummy says the same. They say Ella has gone for ever but that's not true because I've seen her. The first time was in a dream. I'd gone to bed crying because they had told me I would never see Ella again. Mummy and Aunt Annie were both crying too when they told me that Ella gone away for ever. We'd both had the influenza - Mummy too - and lots of people all over the world, they said. Mummy and I had got better but Ella hadn't. I cried myself to sleep that night, holding a picture of Ella and me on the big swing in the orchard. We looked exactly the same, "like two peas in a pod" Aunt Annie had always said. Mummy always dressed us the same too, except that Ella always had blue ribbons in her hair and I had pink. That was so Aunt Annie could tell us apart when we were babies. I'd never been without Ella and Ella had never been without me.
That night, I dreamed I was in the garden with Ella. We were playing hide and seek and it was Ella's turn to hide. "Count to twenty and no peeping", she called as she ran away to hide. In my dream, I looked everywhere, behind the potting shed, inside the hollow old oak tree, among the blackcurrant bushes. I couldn't find her anywhere and I woke up crying until Mummy came and soothed me back to sleep. The next morning I found a blue ribbon on my pillow and I showed it to Aunt Annie and Mummy. Neither of them knew where it had come from. From then on, I kept it under my pillow and looked at it every night before I went to sleep. Once, Aunt Annie took it and nearly put it on the fire but I cried so hard she gave it back to me and, after that, nobody tried to take it away. "Poor little thing", I heard her say to the baker one day when he was delivering the bread. "She's taking it hard. They'd always been together, of course. Right from the start."
The second time I saw Ella, it was almost like a dream but this time I was awake. I was playing hopscotch on the path near the greenhouse. As I jumped and turned, I saw my reflection in the greenhouse glass - white dress, white socks, brown plaits and blue ribbons..... something about it wasn't right. It wasn't me. I stopped and stared - white dress, white socks, brown plaits, pink ribbons. Weren't they blue just now? I stared until Aunt Annie called me in for lunch but, no matter how hard I stared, the ribbons stayed pink. After lunch, I went back to the greenhouse. "Ella, I whispered, "if you're there, why don't you come out?" I stayed all afternoon but nothing happened.
The third time was when I was brushing my hair before bedtime, in front of the big dressing-table mirror in Mummy's room. Aunt Annie had gone out of the room to fetch a clean nightdress for me and I had been told to brush my hair a hundred times to make it shine. I had got to fifty-five and then got bored. I smiled at myself in the mirror and saw myself smile back. I waved and my reflection waved back. I put my hand down but my reflection was still waving and I knew it was Ella in the mirror, not me. Then, Aunt Annie came back into the room and it was just me in the mirror. I told Aunt Annie what I had seen. She thought it was a pretend game but when she saw I meant it, she looked sad and gave me a hug.
After that, I saw Ella in the big hall mirror, when I was putting on my hat and coat to go shopping with Mummy. "They told me you'd gone", I said to Ella. She smiled and shook her head. "Then why aren't you here all the time?", I asked. "I am", said Ella. "I watch you when you're asleep, I sit next to you at the tea-table, I join in when you play hopscotch. I can always see you but you don't always see me." "I miss you, Ella", I said, biting my lip to stop myself crying, "I'm lonely without you." "Me too", said Ella sadly. "I've got no-one to play with." I climbed onto the big hall table to get closer to the mirror. I was just putting my hand up to the glass to touch Ella when Mummy came into the hall. Ella vanished and it was my own face that stared back at me from the mirror. "Sara, what are you doing?", Mummy said sharply, her face cross and frowning. "You know better than to climb on the furniture. What if you fall?" I tried to tell Mummy about Ella but this just made her more angry. "Ella is gone and she can never come back", she said, wiping her eyes. "It's awful for me and it's awful for you but we just have to get used to it. Now, let's have no more of this pretending."
That was a week ago now and I haven't seen Ella since then. I'm cross with Mummy for not believing, for making Ella go away. I don't want to play in the garden. I've got no-one to play with. It's too hot to play outdoors anyway and I want to be somewhere cool.
I wander in circles, pretending that my feet know which way to go and they're taking me somewhere. It's cool under the apple trees in the orchard and I stop for a moment, looking up into the branches and counting how many different kinds of green I can see. Tilting my head back so far makes me dizzy and I have to stop counting and look down.
Suddenly, I see a movement behind one of the trees, the flash of a brown plait with a blue ribbon. Ella! I run to the tree and there's nobody there but I hear a laugh in the distance coming from the path down to the boating lake. She's playing hide and seek with me. I stop running and instead walk as softly as I can down the path to the water's edge, looking in every direction. I can't see her. I take off my shoes and socks and dip my feet in the cool water. I wriggle my toes to see if any fish will come and nibble them.
The sunshine on the lake makes it look blue. I can see the sky and the clouds reflected in the water. I can see myself. I bend closer to get a good look at my face - brown eyes, pink cheeks, brown plaits and blue ribbons.... Ella! She's hiding in the lake - trust her to find the best place to hide on a hot day! I smile and bend to touch her. Just then the sun goes behind a cloud and I can't see her any more but I'm not going to lose her again. Not when I'm so close. She must have gone out further into the lake. I start walking and suddenly the water's up to my knees but I still can't see her. The next moment I'm up to my neck in water and I can't feel the bottom any more. For a second or two, I'm frightened. Then the sun comes out again and there's Ella in the water in front of me, smiling, holding out her hand. I can hear Mummy and Aunt Annie shouting from somewhere a long way away but I don't answer. Instead, I take Ella's hand and I hear her whisper in my ear. "Now we have someone to play with."
